Bolutife Oluwadele
3 min readMay 4, 2021

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Elephant Isolated by Petr Kratochvil

THE COMATOSE ELEPHANT

My friend before before.

My fren, who is your friend sef.

Have you have heard the latest gist in town?

Amebo Nigeria International Plc.

It takes one to know one.

Everyone knows you like gist too much.

Our friendship was made in heaven.

What are you insinuating, please?

We all laik gists like no man business

Okay then, what is the latest o.

It is the flying Elephant Bank International o

I don’t know dat wan o.

Which one do you know then?

I know Elephant Cement and Elephant Cement House

They are the same. Landlord and the land

I also know Elephant Blue Detergent

From the stable of PZ Plc

Which wan is flying elephant nau.

So, you don’t know First Bank?

That is more of a dancing elephant logo.

My bad, it should be Owanbe elephant Bank Plc then.

How does Owanbe fit into the narrative?

It is the hands that precede dancing, and owambe is about dancing and eating.

You have started your conspiracy theory abi.

The Directors of First Bank are chopping where they are working.

And dancing to gbese (debt)

That they will never pay back

The sweat of the pensioners

Whose last N2000 has been declared dormant.

And they run into several million.

Available for insiders chopping and clean mouth.

But what are the regulators doing about that?

Which of the regulators?

How many are there? NDIC and CBN

You think Emefiole can throw stone just laikdat.

Why nor if not?

Was he not from Zenith Bank?

Do they sit on dormant accounts as well?

No, they are doing roundabout somtin!

What is that?

E get as dem dey call am o.

Spill the beans brother.

Never mind, you will not understand.

Now you sound like feminist manipulators.

Weldon, the unrepentant patriarchy

Abegi free me from gender brouhaha

Afraiding of Oza ruum sanction is catching you already.

Let us go back to our gists.

I meant it is the caught thief that is a criminal.

When did you become EFCC and ICPC operative?

Uncatchable thieves are usually canonized.

The central bankers cannot throw stones.

Dem dey get returns too.

Interesting, carry go nothing do you.

Have you gone to a buffet with a driver before?

Yes, plenty of time.

And see how they put all food on one plate.

Some kind of poverty mentality

Combining okro, efo riro, and potato sauce in one plate

It is the same thing with the bank directors.

Meaning they have no shame.

Just like the shameless Tortoise wife

Greedy as they come.

Greediness is like a child that is never weaned of poverty mentality.

What about Sanusi, then?

Which of the Sanusis?

How many do you know?

Bello is uncountable in Ilorin o.

I meant at the Central Bank.

I know at least two of them.

Tell me what I don’t know.

Both are graduates of First Bank Academy

Wonder shall never cease!

Make you dey read book, you nor go gree.

Please don’t insult me, Mr. bookworm

Sorry Oga pepper soup headmaster and pointer extraordinaire

Please don’t get me angry.

No vex nau, e never reach to fight.

Okay, I meant the former Emir Sanusi.

Frogs say when we talk reach tail side, make we skip am.

You are now afraid, bah.

Wisdom is profitable, my friend!

Every man is a saint if not caught.

Those were your words.

But you said so before too.

And you now repeated it.

The elephant is no longer smiling.

It has been chop beyond normal.

And the regulators have to act as doing something.

To bamboozle the public

And remove some mouths from the feeding bottle.

Before the elephant becomes a mere grasscutter.

And numerous knives come to cut from the falling elephant.

If it is not recovered from its comatose state.

©TheVillageBoy.

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Bolutife Oluwadele

Author of “Thoughts Of A Village Boy”|| Chartered Accountant|| Public Policy Enthusiast & Scholar || Business Consultant|| Columnist @premiumtimes ||MAN U FAN